April 2003 Archives

How remiss...

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...of me not to comment on last week's events which occured at Comiskey US Cellular Field.

For those of you who don't know, US Cellular Field is a baseball stadium of the south side of Chicago. I know some of you might be confused as to why there are two stadiums in Chicago, when the Cubs already have beautiful, historic Wrigley Field in which to play. Well, you might be surprised to find out that there are actually two major league baseball teams in Chicago. US Cellular FIeld is home to the Chicago White Sux Sox. Don't feel bad if you've never heard of the Sux Sox, they're hardly a real baseball team. They play ball in the American League, home of terrible pitching and the designated hitter, as well as of the Detroit Tigers.

I know that introduction was unnecessary because many of you heard about this team last week when a Sux Sox fan ran out onto the field and attacked an umpire. First of all, let me explain why the Sux Sox have fans. They're not fans in the traditional sense of people who root for a team they like. No, Sux Sox fans are fans more in the soccer-hooligan sense of people who are attracted to gatherings involving lots of liquor to drink and lots of strangers to start fights with. In fact, just last season, a father and son pair of Sux Sox fans ran out onto the field and in true macho fashion attacked the 60 year old 1st base coach of the Kansas City Royals. As you can see from this empirical evidence, being a Sux Sox fan is highly correlated with a genetic predisposition for violence.

Anyway, for any psychopaths reading this who now feel like maybe you have what it takes to be a Sux Sox fan, let me warn you, this is what can happen to you:

The man who attacked first base umpire Laz Diaz sits handcuffed in a Chicago police car.

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This page is an archive of entries from April 2003 listed from newest to oldest.

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